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and decided on a course of conduct that ultimately brought me
past this danger to better health and comparative happiness. I
said to myself that there is always a certain amount of
preliminary thought and dalliance before I do this deed;
doubtless this it is that renders me incapable of resisting. I
decided, therefore, never to let my thoughts _commence_ to dwell
on lustful things, but to think of something else on the _first_
intimation of their appearance in my mind. I rigorously followed
this rule; and it proved successful, and I recommend it to others
in the same predicament as myself. After suffering weeks and
months of dread and illness once more, falling away in flesh and
turning yellow, I gradually mended a little. I had a better color
and tone, and was something like other young men, barring a
strange alternate exaltation and depression. Even this gradually
became less noticeable, and my moods more even and reliable."
 My Christian faith is of a somewhat nonemotional, intellectual type,
with a considerable element of agnostic reserve.
 On having connection with my wife I frequently exhibit sufficient
sexual power to produce orgasm in her; but on occasion, especially during
the first year or so of married life, I have been unable to do this, owing
to the too rapid action of the reflexes in myself, and have even, now and
again, had emissions _ante portam_.
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